In a shocking turn of events, a black Muslim business owner discovered that he was not diverse enough for Justin Trudeau’s summer work program. Ahmed Mohammed immigrated from Somalia and has owned his small grocery store, Halalapalooza, for seven years now.
His small, growing business that hires mostly minority workers seemed a shoe in to receive funding for new jobs.
“I was stunned,” Mohammed stated to the press. “I did not realize how mainstream and non-diverse I was until Trudeau’s questionnaire opened my eyes.”
It all began when Mohammed filled out the forms to receive funding. Being a devout Muslim, he checked “no” next to the boxes that indicated support for abortion, transgenderism, and gay marriage. “I thought it was odd at the time,” he stated. “I knew that minority businesses would probably be given priority, so it didn’t occur to me to lie about my beliefs and convictions when I filled out the forms.”
Trudeau’s verdict was brutally delivered, “You may be an ethnic, racial, and religious minority, but, if you really believe the tenets of your religion, you will never be diverse enough.”
Ahmed Mohammed is now considering his next action. His business needs the funding for new jobs. “I am either going to have to become moderate in my faith or just lie on my next application,” he told us in his interview. Trudeau’s higher standard for what counts as diverse should be marked as Canada’s newest and greatest social achievement.
Disclaimer: This article is satire as part of our comedy section to be launched soon.