August 1, 2021

They are older than them: And where is the problem?


The media romance of Nicole Neumann (40), and her new 29-year-old boyfriend again brings up the issue of the age difference, and the unequal and anachronistic view of a macho culture. The challenge? Deconstruction.

“Yes. I love that big women feel beautiful, pretty. What’s more, Nicole is about my mother’s age and I like that they feel that way, because I like that my mother feels that way.” The statement is from the ex of José Manuel Urcera (29 years old), Road Tourism pilot and current boyfriend of Nicole Neumann (40).

Far from the dimes and diretes of the farandulque panorama, the case comes to mind when it makes visible by its well-known characters that the age between men and women who have a relationship does not matter, as long as it is an adult man, with a woman younger than him (it doesn’t matter if he’s 20 years old or more).

But be careful, if it is the other way around, the issue still makes noise in a culture that also judges and places women, under a sexist and disparate halo. Therefore, taking it as an insult to tell someone that they are older than their ex-partner only makes it clear that there is much to learn.

Lady, put men in your life

That a woman in her 40s, or 50s (just to exemplify in a whimsical way) is with a man of 27 or 30 years, for example, is still an affront in a world with much to learn, where sexist readings, are also they gestate from the very womb of many women. If it is not a minor, and that man decides jointly with the woman (older than him) to have a relationship, touch and go, or whatever they want, is it not a matter for those two people? Why a sixty, “well placed” (as they say) can fall in love with a twenty-year-old, and if it is the other way around, the world ends? By what standard is this type of situation measured, and in any case, who are we to judge?

The Buenos Aires psychologist Beatriz Goldberg, author of the book “Women in Change”, explains: “no one questions why a big man can be with a girl much younger than him, but if this is the other way around, there is a social condemnation (in general) because socially the woman it is frowned upon, because of a macho look that still lasts. “

-This openness of the woman to live her story with someone younger, what is it linked to?

“The woman from her 40s, makes a rethinking of life in every sense, in which many times she feels and realizes that she is beautiful far beyond the physical. It is her empowerment, experience, security and head. Each The decade is like a new reelection. The rethinking of life is not only about a relationship, but also about his entire life in which he often decides to make radical changes even in his profession or lifestyle. “

-Why does the recriminating gaze on the female world still persist, especially?

“Due to the social and cultural stereotype of women, mothers, caregivers, etc. In reality, in both cases (men and women with younger partners) there is a revitalization that this young couple provides, beyond the physical. conversely, he, or the young woman, in many cases, is attracted to the experience of the woman, or the protector of the older man. “

Winds of change

Relationships between men and women are changing and on that basis it is also established that many women do not have problems in maintaining relationships with younger men and vice versa.

In an article in the newspaper El Pais, The psychotherapist Paola Vinceguerra analyzed this fact that other famous couples such as actor Hugh Jackman and Australian actress and director Deborra-Lee Furness have normalized, who are separated by 12 years of age and have been married for 22 years.

According to the psychotherapist, women are currently “at the same level as men and mature people are less fickle, more confident and less pretentious.” These women have their world, they are more independent and have more experience, also from a sexual point of view. A vision that also looks for feminine reasons and that points out that a woman of 50 or 60 years may prefer a man younger than her because he does not try to direct her, and that reduces the chances of confrontations.

To say that it is a common and normal fact would be to obviate that socially it still prevails as a standard that men are older, even much older, than women in a couple. But there are well-known examples that walk their difference without complexes and send an unequivocal message to society: there is no single model of couple and they are all equally valid, also those in which the woman belongs to a generation older than the man.

Examples? many: French President Emmanuel Macron and his wife, Brigitte Macron, 68 years 24 years older than him; actress Julianne Moore and her husband Bart Freundlinch separate them for nine years but are joined by two children and fifteen years of marriage, model Heidi Klum, 45, and Tom Kaulitz, guitarist of the group Tokio Hotel, and 16 years her junior; Shakira, ten years older than Gerard Piqué, the Barcelona footballer with whom he has two children.

The actress Cameron Diaz and musician Benji Madden seven years apart, the same ones that separate Elsa Pataky by Chris Hemsworth, the Australian actor with whom she has been married since 2010 and with whom she has three children.